How to Survive a
Sherlockian Binge!
By Vince Stadon
First Published in Sherlock Holmes Magazine Issue 7
Winter 2022/23
Editor: Adrian Braddy
We’ve all been there. The weather outside is miserable,
there’s nothing on the telly and the only thing new on Netflix is a stand-up
special by an ‘edgy’ US comic with a beard and something dead behind his eyes. You’re
way too tired to even attempt anything physical, and you simply don’t have the
energy or enthusiasm to crochet, draw, or bake away for a few hours. You’ve
played all the computer games you own, and you can’t face yet another game of
Monopoly or Cluedo or poker, not least because you aren’t in the mood for the
inevitable hostilities that break out halfway through and which result in a desperate
phone call to the emergency services and/or lots of sulking. Your bookshelves
and kindles groan with the weight of all the books you’ve read, and all those
you secretly know you’ll never actually get to reading (they may well be undisputed
classics of literature, but they sound completely tedious and are bound to give
you a headache, particularly the epic Russian ones). In short, you are bored,
and you crave entertainment and distraction.
There is only one man to turn to
in your hour of need – Mr Sherlock Holmes! And Dr Watson! (Okay, make that only
two men to turn to in your hour of need.)
To
torture a metaphor, we Sherlockians always thirst for England’s Greatest
Detective and his moustachioed chum, no matter how much we drink from the Conan
Doyle well. And boy, is there a lot of Sherlock Holmes stuff out there! You
could pave not just Baker Street, not just London, but all of England, Scotland
and Wales with the pages from books, journals and magazines[1]
about or prominently featuring Sherlock Holmes, and there are more movies and
TV episodes featuring Sherlock Holmes than there are stars in the Hollywood firmament.
Unlike the fans devoted to more obscure fictional detectives - Detective
Inspector Charlie Resnick, from the wonderful crime procedural novels by John
Harvey, being my go-to example[2]-
Sherlockians are spoiled for choice. There is so much stuff that it can feel
overwhelming. It can be agonizing and frustrating to scan our personal
collections of books and videos, searching for the perfect choice to suit one’s
mood at any given time – though of course I still maintain that The Hound of
the Baskervilles is perfect for everyone at any time… no matter what my
editor at Orange Pip Books says[3]!
Don’t
let this daunt you! Sherlock Holmes Magazine is here to help, and the
solution is the craze that’s been sweeping the world for a few years now: Binge
Watching! Or Binge reading. Or just binging, which is a fun word to use in any
sentence: “Sorry, can’t go into work today, I’m binging!”; “We have the results
of your biopsy here, Mr Stadon, but I haven’t looked at it because I was busy
binging.”; Yes, I’ll have the mushroom ravioli please, and something I can
binge. Thank you.”
Binging
(or marathoning, which sounds too athletic for me) really exploded during 2020,
when we were all locked down and terrified. We sought escape in the comfort of
the boxed set, watching episode after episode after episode of long-cherished
favourites or recommended hot new releases. And happily, binging is the perfect
pastime for us Sherlockians, because it allows us to consume a high volume of
content in a concentrated period, much like contestants at pie-eating contests.
But how
is it done? What are the dos and don’ts? How do you select the right Sherlock
material to marathon? And what was that about pies?
Like mountaineering, or
seduction, the best way to start your binge is to come up with a plan. And like
any good plan, or indeed, pie, the key is to break things down into easy
digestible chunks, starting with ideas for what can be binged. For example:
·
By Category: Sequels, Conan Doyle’s other series,
All versions of a specific story, Recurring characters.
·
By Convenience: Available to stream, Free on YouTube,
Binging while doing other things
·
By Media: Film, Television, Books, Puppetry.
·
By Wednesday: Start on Monday night, finished by
Thursday morning. Sorted.
Let us step carefully, avoiding all metaphorical Grimpen
Mires and Reichenbach Falls, and take each category in turn.
·
By Category.
This is the largest grouping since it includes all media. As
such, it offers the Sherlockian the most choice. The most obvious binge would
be the Canon in print, in order, but I’ll wager all my cats[4]
that we’ve all done this many times and are hankering for more original
thrills. However, a spin on binging the Canon might be to experience adaptations
in a variety of media: a Russian TV film STUD; a 1940s US old time radio
version of SIGN; a lego YouTube version of SCAN. Imaginative Sherlockians will
get much out of employing a mix and match approach to their binge experience.
Though it’ll take you forever, and it will no doubt involve much swearing.
Sherlock
Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 5/5
·
Sequels
This is a rich and largely unexplored vein to tap. The most
sequelled story is HOUN, with at least three novels returning Holmes to the
moor to face yet another spectre of a lethal animal species: Wilfred Hueffel’s The
Mark of the Baskerville Hound (MX Publishing, 2016) sees a New York cop wander
the melancholy moor in search of answers to an old mystery; In The Moor (Random
House, 1998), a New York Times best-seller, Laurie R King has an elderly Holmes
and his young wife entangled in a fiendish murder plot involving a ghostly
hound; unlucky Sir Henry Baskerville is imperilled by a legendary creature once
again in Sherlock Holmes and the Beast of the Stapletons (Titan Books,
2020). There are probably more, but I haven’t the patience to go find them.
FINA of course has
its own canonical sequel in EMPT, but beyond that, the world’s most malevolent
mathematician simply won’t stay dead and has popped up in numerous sequels, not
least in three of the strongest Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce films - The
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1939); Sherlock Holmes and the Secret
Weapon 1942); The Woman in Green (1945) - which would make a nice
Basil-Bruce mini-binge in itself.
Sherlock
Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 4/5
·
Conan Doyle’s Other Series
There are only five Professor Challenger stories (three
novels, two short stories), and they’re well worth anybody’s time. Pleasingly,
the big-headed explorer has been played by seven actors on screen – one for
every day of the week! Who could resist Bob Hoskins battling CGI dinosaurs on a
BBC television budget?
ACD also wrote a bunch of
non-Holmes short stories, which I have titled the ‘horror/terror/mystery/danger’
quintet: The Horror of the Heights (rather bland affair about a pilot),
the Terror of Blue John Gap (intriguing addition to Arthur’s ‘weird
creatures’ ouvre); The Mystery of Sassa Valley (superb tale of a demonic
force in South Africa; in my view, this is the single most underrated story of
ACD’s career[5]);
and Danger! (rather odd war story about experimental submarines). Actually,
now I think of it… are there many one-word title ACD stories? That might make
an interesting binge. Particularly if you were to give them one-word reviews!
Sherlock
Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 4/5
·
Every Version of a Specific Story
This binge is not for the faint hearted – I binged every
version of HOUN I could source in every medium, and it took me seven months,
cost me several hundred pounds, and severely tested my marriage. It would be
wise to pick one of the less popular stories, for though every Holmes story has
been adapted, few have been adapted across all media: you won’t find any
graphic novels, PC games, cartoons, or prog rock albums based on RETI, more’s
the pity! In fact, there is only one filmed version of the story – filmed by
the BBC as part of their 1965 Sherlock Holmes series, starring Douglas
Wilmer, and happily available on DVD – though you can hear Holmes testily
imploring Watson to “cut out the poetry” in six radio versions (twice starring
Rathbone and Bruce).
Sherlock
Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 5/5
·
Recurring/Original Characters
Mrs Hudson is in eleven stories
(and the mysterious Mrs Turner is in two); Mycroft Holmes is mentioned (or
appears) in four stories; Inspector Lestrade clocks in an unlucky thirteen. These
famous characters have been portrayed by numerous actors across stage, radio,
television and film and a good idea for a binge might be to give the superlative
Granada Television Jeremy Brett series yet another spin… but only for the
episodes containing these three characters. More enterprising Sherlockians
might pick one of the lesser-known recurring characters such as Billy the Page
Boy[6],
who appears in VALL, THOR, and MAZA, and who is depicted on screen in Sherlock
Holmes (1916), Sherlock Holmes (1922), Sherlock
Holmes (1932), The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1939)
and Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (2016). Irene Adler, meanwhile, has
had more passive aggressive and sexually charged dalliances with Sherlock
Holmes than an entire Mills and Boon back catalogue, despite not being a
recurring character in the Canon; there’s just something about the
woman. A good binge might be all the Irene Adler books by Carole Nelson Douglas,
consisting of eight books published between 1990 and 2004. Or how about binging
some of Sherlock’s young and feisty female relatives? The Enola Holmes books by
Nancy Springer, are engaging crime mysteries, and you can follow them with Violet
Holmes and the Agents of H.I.V.E. by Nicko Vaughan, a charming and lively
graphic novel starring Sherlock’s adopted daughter. To top it off, Holmes’s mum
and dad pop up in two of the nuttier episodes of Sherlock, which is the
perfect end point to any binge: when mum and dad get involved, you know it’s
time to call it quits before things get too embarrassing.
Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 3/5
·
By Convenience
Let’s face it, we all want to get things done the easiest
way possible without really caring about the quality of the outcome, which is
why we invented the Etch A Sketch. Streaming is the ‘in thing’ these days, and
it’s by far the easiest way to binge. Fire up your subscribed streaming service
of choice, find all the Holmesian content, and off you go! For instance, the brilliant
Brett series is on Britbox, and you can’t go wrong with that amazing first
series; Netflix has Sherlock (BBC TV, 2010-2017), and again, you can’t
go wrong with that brilliant first series; and Amazon Prime has Elementary
(CBS TV 2012-2019) and you can’t go wrong with that brilliant first Brett
series on Britbox. YouTube, on the other hand, offers up all manner of wonders,
from all 39 episodes of the delightfully bonkers Ronald Howard Sherlock
Holmes (NBS 1954-1955) to charming and bonkers Lego recreations/parodies: I
highly recommend lluukkyy28’s amusing Lego version of HOUN, which has easily the
best-ever filmed version of Selden falling to his death. Because lego deaths
are the best deaths.
Sherlock
Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 2/5
·
Binging while doing other things
A great way to binge the Canon is to listen to it while
you’re busy doing other things. Stephen Fry has narrated every story for
Audible, and it would only take you 72 hours (or three days) and a gallon of
coffee to get from STUD to RETI in one go as you do the laundry, de-flea the
cats, rearrange the furniture or walk the moor in those dark hours when the
powers of evil are exalted. Headphones on, hands free, you can binge and be
productive, and when you collapse three days later, you’ll have the best sleep
of your life!
Or you could do what I did on my
HOUN binge: switch audiobooks between chapters. This means you get a variety of
different narrators telling you old familiar stories. Though you might start to
notice different pronunciations, and when you notice those sorts of thing you
can’t un-notice them. It’s Le-strayed, goddamit!
You can take a portable screen
into the bathroom with you and binge while you bathe – so why not enjoy using
your rubber ducks to enact the ‘You have been to Afghanistan, I presume?’ scene
from STUD as you stream your favourite screen version[7]?
Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 1/5
·
Binging by Wednesday
There are only two Robert Downey
Jnr Sherlock Holmes films[8]!
That’s one a night. They both clock in at two-hours and nine minutes long each
– I’ve had snacks that have lasted longer. Start the first one at 20:00hrs on
Monday, and by 22:09 on Tuesday night you’re done with your Sherlockian binge! Easy!
There are also only two Ian Richardson Sherlock Holmes films – you know the
ones with the title sequence of a neon Holmes silhouette rushing towards the
camera like in the Peter Davison Doctor Who titles from the early 1980s.
And there are only three animated Sherlock Holmes films – those dreary efforts
from starring the bored voice of Peter O’Toole. It makes me weep to think that we’ve
never got a proper, big-budget big-screen animated Sherlock Holmes film –
something as striking and engaging as Akira (1988), Watership
Down (1978), or The Jungle Book (1967), but then I remember the
wonderful and charming Basil: The Great Mouse Detective (1986), arguably
Disney’s finest movie… and I cheer up again[9].
The late, great Christopher
Plummer was a terrific Holmes in two screen outings – Silver Blaze (1977),
and Murder by Decree (1979). Christopher Plummer on Monday and Tuesday
is a great start to anybody’s week, surely[10]?
Lastly
in this ‘By Wednesday’ category, how about a binge watch of selected
‘one-and-done’ big screen Sherlocks? John Neville in A Study in Terror (1965),
Robert Stephens in the (sublime) The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1971),
and Nicol Williamson in The Seven-Per-Cent-Solution (1976) will get you
to Thursday morning in a most agreeable mood. And you know everyone is saying
that Thursday is the new Friday, so effectively you’ve got through another
tough working week and now you deserve a good long rest!
Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 1/5
Those are the categories I’d
suggest, though there are so many more – so many more. You can break Sherlock Holmes
media down into smaller and smaller chunks, and dive into the minutiae of your
favourites. Holmes in modern day. Holmes vs Jack the Ripper. Holmes in
disguise. Watson and Mary. Watson’s old friends. Watson and his dog. Holmes and
his faithful bloodhound. Holmes and Watson with their dogs. Dogs in the Canon. Dogs
playing Sherlock Holmes. Dogs playing Sherlock Holmes in versions of HOUN. And
so on. We love this world, these characters, these stories, and it is always a
pleasure to experience them repeatedly. Binging is basically a long, loving hug
session with Mr Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson, and we all need that once in a
while. Particularly now.
And finally, some snack
recommendations – for every good Sherlockian binge needs a good snack. When
tackling the Canon, in any medium, I recommend you stock up with the following:
A bowl of muesli for MUSG; a Terry’s Chocolate Orange for FIVE; duck-flavoured
crisps[11]
for BLUE; Devilled eggs and or a dangerous psychotropic plant mixture for DEVI;
bananas for YELL, and Golden Delicious apples for GOLD. For drinks, Old
Speckled Hen is an absolute must for SPEC, and prosecco for SECO. Sherlockians
venturing into Sir Arthur’s other great works might also need a fair few White
Russians to get through The White Company. And, of course, there is pie.
Always pie.
And there you have it. Settle
down with your favourite person, wrap yourself in a favourite blanket, and get
cosy. Enjoy your Sherlock binge. And then, when you’re done, you are free
again. Walk the dog, catch up with friends, and read Sherlock Holmes
Magazine. Treat yourself. Life is short, and there’s so much more wonderful
Sherlock Holmes stuff to enjoy when you do it all again another day![12]
[1] You’d
have to be careful with your feet if you were to step on the pages of this
magazine, because the pages are so glossy. Though to make this gag work, this
footnote should surely belong in a glossary.
[2] I
suppose that would make the fans ‘Resnickians’. Or ‘Fans of Charlie,’ maybe,
though that sounds a bit like being a fan of a certain Colombian white powder.
[3]
The wonderful Nicko Vaughn has made it clear that she hates HOUN. This is like
discovering your best friend hates The Beatles – you feel like you’re in a sort
of dumbfounded numbness, like Neo entering the Matrix.
[4] I
have five cats, mostly by accident. Bear this in mind as you consider all I say
in this article.
[5] It
was published anonymously, which may well contribute to its’ forgotten and
overlooked status.
[6]
Famously, in the original production of the Gillette play, Billy was played by
Charlie Chaplin. This is the perfect fact to drop into casual conversation, no
matter the occasion.
[7]
The Vasily Livanov version, surely?
[8]
Though a third is coming soon, annoyingly. I mean, I love them, but a third
movie is going to ruin this article, and no movie is worth that.
[9] That
mouse is a finer Holmes than a good two thirds of the human actors who’ve had a
stab at the role, and I will fight you on this.
[10]
Probably not something you’d say to Kevin Spacey.
[11]
Chips, as Americans call them.
[12]
Exclamation count for this article: 21. I think that’s a new record for this
magazine.
