How To Survive a Sherlockian Binge

 

How to Survive a Sherlockian Binge!

By Vince Stadon

First Published in Sherlock Holmes Magazine Issue 7

Winter 2022/23

Editor: Adrian Braddy

 We’ve all been there. The weather outside is miserable, there’s nothing on the telly and the only thing new on Netflix is a stand-up special by an ‘edgy’ US comic with a beard and something dead behind his eyes. You’re way too tired to even attempt anything physical, and you simply don’t have the energy or enthusiasm to crochet, draw, or bake away for a few hours. You’ve played all the computer games you own, and you can’t face yet another game of Monopoly or Cluedo or poker, not least because you aren’t in the mood for the inevitable hostilities that break out halfway through and which result in a desperate phone call to the emergency services and/or lots of sulking. Your bookshelves and kindles groan with the weight of all the books you’ve read, and all those you secretly know you’ll never actually get to reading (they may well be undisputed classics of literature, but they sound completely tedious and are bound to give you a headache, particularly the epic Russian ones). In short, you are bored, and you crave entertainment and distraction.

There is only one man to turn to in your hour of need – Mr Sherlock Holmes! And Dr Watson! (Okay, make that only two men to turn to in your hour of need.)

                To torture a metaphor, we Sherlockians always thirst for England’s Greatest Detective and his moustachioed chum, no matter how much we drink from the Conan Doyle well. And boy, is there a lot of Sherlock Holmes stuff out there! You could pave not just Baker Street, not just London, but all of England, Scotland and Wales with the pages from books, journals and magazines[1] about or prominently featuring Sherlock Holmes, and there are more movies and TV episodes featuring Sherlock Holmes than there are stars in the Hollywood firmament. Unlike the fans devoted to more obscure fictional detectives - Detective Inspector Charlie Resnick, from the wonderful crime procedural novels by John Harvey, being my go-to example[2]- Sherlockians are spoiled for choice. There is so much stuff that it can feel overwhelming. It can be agonizing and frustrating to scan our personal collections of books and videos, searching for the perfect choice to suit one’s mood at any given time – though of course I still maintain that The Hound of the Baskervilles is perfect for everyone at any time… no matter what my editor at Orange Pip Books says[3]!

                Don’t let this daunt you! Sherlock Holmes Magazine is here to help, and the solution is the craze that’s been sweeping the world for a few years now: Binge Watching! Or Binge reading. Or just binging, which is a fun word to use in any sentence: “Sorry, can’t go into work today, I’m binging!”; “We have the results of your biopsy here, Mr Stadon, but I haven’t looked at it because I was busy binging.”; Yes, I’ll have the mushroom ravioli please, and something I can binge. Thank you.”

                Binging (or marathoning, which sounds too athletic for me) really exploded during 2020, when we were all locked down and terrified. We sought escape in the comfort of the boxed set, watching episode after episode after episode of long-cherished favourites or recommended hot new releases. And happily, binging is the perfect pastime for us Sherlockians, because it allows us to consume a high volume of content in a concentrated period, much like contestants at pie-eating contests.

                But how is it done? What are the dos and don’ts? How do you select the right Sherlock material to marathon? And what was that about pies?

Like mountaineering, or seduction, the best way to start your binge is to come up with a plan. And like any good plan, or indeed, pie, the key is to break things down into easy digestible chunks, starting with ideas for what can be binged. For example:

 

·         By Category: Sequels, Conan Doyle’s other series, All versions of a specific story, Recurring characters.

·         By Convenience: Available to stream, Free on YouTube, Binging while doing other things

·         By Media: Film, Television, Books, Puppetry.

·         By Wednesday: Start on Monday night, finished by Thursday morning. Sorted.

 

 

Let us step carefully, avoiding all metaphorical Grimpen Mires and Reichenbach Falls, and take each category in turn.

 

·         By Category.

This is the largest grouping since it includes all media. As such, it offers the Sherlockian the most choice. The most obvious binge would be the Canon in print, in order, but I’ll wager all my cats[4] that we’ve all done this many times and are hankering for more original thrills. However, a spin on binging the Canon might be to experience adaptations in a variety of media: a Russian TV film STUD; a 1940s US old time radio version of SIGN; a lego YouTube version of SCAN. Imaginative Sherlockians will get much out of employing a mix and match approach to their binge experience. Though it’ll take you forever, and it will no doubt involve much swearing.

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 5/5

 

·         Sequels

This is a rich and largely unexplored vein to tap. The most sequelled story is HOUN, with at least three novels returning Holmes to the moor to face yet another spectre of a lethal animal species: Wilfred Hueffel’s The Mark of the Baskerville Hound (MX Publishing, 2016) sees a New York cop wander the melancholy moor in search of answers to an old mystery; In The Moor (Random House, 1998), a New York Times best-seller, Laurie R King has an elderly Holmes and his young wife entangled in a fiendish murder plot involving a ghostly hound; unlucky Sir Henry Baskerville is imperilled by a legendary creature once again in Sherlock Holmes and the Beast of the Stapletons (Titan Books, 2020). There are probably more, but I haven’t the patience to go find them.

 FINA of course has its own canonical sequel in EMPT, but beyond that, the world’s most malevolent mathematician simply won’t stay dead and has popped up in numerous sequels, not least in three of the strongest Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce films - The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1939); Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon 1942); The Woman in Green (1945) - which would make a nice Basil-Bruce mini-binge in itself.

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 4/5

 

 

·         Conan Doyle’s Other Series

There are only five Professor Challenger stories (three novels, two short stories), and they’re well worth anybody’s time. Pleasingly, the big-headed explorer has been played by seven actors on screen – one for every day of the week! Who could resist Bob Hoskins battling CGI dinosaurs on a BBC television budget?

                ACD also wrote a bunch of non-Holmes short stories, which I have titled the ‘horror/terror/mystery/danger’ quintet: The Horror of the Heights (rather bland affair about a pilot), the Terror of Blue John Gap (intriguing addition to Arthur’s ‘weird creatures’ ouvre); The Mystery of Sassa Valley (superb tale of a demonic force in South Africa; in my view, this is the single most underrated story of ACD’s career[5]); and Danger! (rather odd war story about experimental submarines). Actually, now I think of it… are there many one-word title ACD stories? That might make an interesting binge. Particularly if you were to give them one-word reviews!

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 4/5

 

·         Every Version of a Specific Story

This binge is not for the faint hearted – I binged every version of HOUN I could source in every medium, and it took me seven months, cost me several hundred pounds, and severely tested my marriage. It would be wise to pick one of the less popular stories, for though every Holmes story has been adapted, few have been adapted across all media: you won’t find any graphic novels, PC games, cartoons, or prog rock albums based on RETI, more’s the pity! In fact, there is only one filmed version of the story – filmed by the BBC as part of their 1965 Sherlock Holmes series, starring Douglas Wilmer, and happily available on DVD – though you can hear Holmes testily imploring Watson to “cut out the poetry” in six radio versions (twice starring Rathbone and Bruce).

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 5/5

 

·         Recurring/Original Characters

Mrs Hudson is in eleven stories (and the mysterious Mrs Turner is in two); Mycroft Holmes is mentioned (or appears) in four stories; Inspector Lestrade clocks in an unlucky thirteen. These famous characters have been portrayed by numerous actors across stage, radio, television and film and a good idea for a binge might be to give the superlative Granada Television Jeremy Brett series yet another spin… but only for the episodes containing these three characters. More enterprising Sherlockians might pick one of the lesser-known recurring characters such as Billy the Page Boy[6], who appears in VALL, THOR, and MAZA, and who is depicted on screen in Sherlock Holmes (1916), Sherlock Holmes (1922), Sherlock Holmes (1932), The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1939) and Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (2016). Irene Adler, meanwhile, has had more passive aggressive and sexually charged dalliances with Sherlock Holmes than an entire Mills and Boon back catalogue, despite not being a recurring character in the Canon; there’s just something about the woman. A good binge might be all the Irene Adler books by Carole Nelson Douglas, consisting of eight books published between 1990 and 2004. Or how about binging some of Sherlock’s young and feisty female relatives? The Enola Holmes books by Nancy Springer, are engaging crime mysteries, and you can follow them with Violet Holmes and the Agents of H.I.V.E. by Nicko Vaughan, a charming and lively graphic novel starring Sherlock’s adopted daughter. To top it off, Holmes’s mum and dad pop up in two of the nuttier episodes of Sherlock, which is the perfect end point to any binge: when mum and dad get involved, you know it’s time to call it quits before things get too embarrassing.

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 3/5

 

·         By Convenience

Let’s face it, we all want to get things done the easiest way possible without really caring about the quality of the outcome, which is why we invented the Etch A Sketch. Streaming is the ‘in thing’ these days, and it’s by far the easiest way to binge. Fire up your subscribed streaming service of choice, find all the Holmesian content, and off you go! For instance, the brilliant Brett series is on Britbox, and you can’t go wrong with that amazing first series; Netflix has Sherlock (BBC TV, 2010-2017), and again, you can’t go wrong with that brilliant first series; and Amazon Prime has Elementary (CBS TV 2012-2019) and you can’t go wrong with that brilliant first Brett series on Britbox. YouTube, on the other hand, offers up all manner of wonders, from all 39 episodes of the delightfully bonkers Ronald Howard Sherlock Holmes (NBS 1954-1955) to charming and bonkers Lego recreations/parodies: I highly recommend lluukkyy28’s amusing Lego version of HOUN, which has easily the best-ever filmed version of Selden falling to his death. Because lego deaths are the best deaths.

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 2/5

 

 

·         Binging while doing other things

A great way to binge the Canon is to listen to it while you’re busy doing other things. Stephen Fry has narrated every story for Audible, and it would only take you 72 hours (or three days) and a gallon of coffee to get from STUD to RETI in one go as you do the laundry, de-flea the cats, rearrange the furniture or walk the moor in those dark hours when the powers of evil are exalted. Headphones on, hands free, you can binge and be productive, and when you collapse three days later, you’ll have the best sleep of your life!

                Or you could do what I did on my HOUN binge: switch audiobooks between chapters. This means you get a variety of different narrators telling you old familiar stories. Though you might start to notice different pronunciations, and when you notice those sorts of thing you can’t un-notice them. It’s Le-strayed, goddamit!

                You can take a portable screen into the bathroom with you and binge while you bathe – so why not enjoy using your rubber ducks to enact the ‘You have been to Afghanistan, I presume?’ scene from STUD as you stream your favourite screen version[7]?

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 1/5

 

·         Binging by Wednesday

There are only two Robert Downey Jnr Sherlock Holmes films[8]! That’s one a night. They both clock in at two-hours and nine minutes long each – I’ve had snacks that have lasted longer. Start the first one at 20:00hrs on Monday, and by 22:09 on Tuesday night you’re done with your Sherlockian binge! Easy! There are also only two Ian Richardson Sherlock Holmes films – you know the ones with the title sequence of a neon Holmes silhouette rushing towards the camera like in the Peter Davison Doctor Who titles from the early 1980s. And there are only three animated Sherlock Holmes films – those dreary efforts from starring the bored voice of Peter O’Toole. It makes me weep to think that we’ve never got a proper, big-budget big-screen animated Sherlock Holmes film – something as striking and engaging as Akira (1988), Watership Down (1978), or The Jungle Book (1967), but then I remember the wonderful and charming Basil: The Great Mouse Detective (1986), arguably Disney’s finest movie… and I cheer up again[9].

The late, great Christopher Plummer was a terrific Holmes in two screen outings – Silver Blaze (1977), and Murder by Decree (1979). Christopher Plummer on Monday and Tuesday is a great start to anybody’s week, surely[10]?

                Lastly in this ‘By Wednesday’ category, how about a binge watch of selected ‘one-and-done’ big screen Sherlocks? John Neville in A Study in Terror (1965), Robert Stephens in the (sublime) The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1971), and Nicol Williamson in The Seven-Per-Cent-Solution (1976) will get you to Thursday morning in a most agreeable mood. And you know everyone is saying that Thursday is the new Friday, so effectively you’ve got through another tough working week and now you deserve a good long rest!

Sherlock Holmes Magazine’s Difficulty Rating: 1/5

 

Those are the categories I’d suggest, though there are so many more – so many more. You can break Sherlock Holmes media down into smaller and smaller chunks, and dive into the minutiae of your favourites. Holmes in modern day. Holmes vs Jack the Ripper. Holmes in disguise. Watson and Mary. Watson’s old friends. Watson and his dog. Holmes and his faithful bloodhound. Holmes and Watson with their dogs. Dogs in the Canon. Dogs playing Sherlock Holmes. Dogs playing Sherlock Holmes in versions of HOUN. And so on. We love this world, these characters, these stories, and it is always a pleasure to experience them repeatedly. Binging is basically a long, loving hug session with Mr Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson, and we all need that once in a while. Particularly now.

And finally, some snack recommendations – for every good Sherlockian binge needs a good snack. When tackling the Canon, in any medium, I recommend you stock up with the following: A bowl of muesli for MUSG; a Terry’s Chocolate Orange for FIVE; duck-flavoured crisps[11] for BLUE; Devilled eggs and or a dangerous psychotropic plant mixture for DEVI; bananas for YELL, and Golden Delicious apples for GOLD. For drinks, Old Speckled Hen is an absolute must for SPEC, and prosecco for SECO. Sherlockians venturing into Sir Arthur’s other great works might also need a fair few White Russians to get through The White Company. And, of course, there is pie. Always pie.

And there you have it. Settle down with your favourite person, wrap yourself in a favourite blanket, and get cosy. Enjoy your Sherlock binge. And then, when you’re done, you are free again. Walk the dog, catch up with friends, and read Sherlock Holmes Magazine. Treat yourself. Life is short, and there’s so much more wonderful Sherlock Holmes stuff to enjoy when you do it all again another day![12]

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[1] You’d have to be careful with your feet if you were to step on the pages of this magazine, because the pages are so glossy. Though to make this gag work, this footnote should surely belong in a glossary.

[2] I suppose that would make the fans ‘Resnickians’. Or ‘Fans of Charlie,’ maybe, though that sounds a bit like being a fan of a certain Colombian white powder.

[3] The wonderful Nicko Vaughn has made it clear that she hates HOUN. This is like discovering your best friend hates The Beatles – you feel like you’re in a sort of dumbfounded numbness, like Neo entering the Matrix.

[4] I have five cats, mostly by accident. Bear this in mind as you consider all I say in this article.

[5] It was published anonymously, which may well contribute to its’ forgotten and overlooked status.

[6] Famously, in the original production of the Gillette play, Billy was played by Charlie Chaplin. This is the perfect fact to drop into casual conversation, no matter the occasion.

[7] The Vasily Livanov version, surely?

[8] Though a third is coming soon, annoyingly. I mean, I love them, but a third movie is going to ruin this article, and no movie is worth that.

[9] That mouse is a finer Holmes than a good two thirds of the human actors who’ve had a stab at the role, and I will fight you on this.

[10] Probably not something you’d say to Kevin Spacey.

[11] Chips, as Americans call them.

[12] Exclamation count for this article: 21. I think that’s a new record for this magazine.