I've learned to deal with sleeplessness, to surf the bleary-eyed wave of not being awake yet not being asleep - time spent in the weird half life of a long night. But even though I am by now quite used to insomnia, I still can't function well in a zombie state of sluggishness, and I find myself unable to write anything even vaguely coherent. Instead, I surf the net, bouncing around from one thing to another, making a few notes here and there, or staring uncomprehendingly at the screen.
Here are five strange things I learned from a recent bout of insomnia:
1. Glamorous Hollywood Leading Lady Hedy Lamarr invented a radio guidance system for torpedoes.
Hedy Lamarr, after fixing her car, putting up some shelves, and building a suspension bridge.
I was reading a thing about film noir, which led me to a thing about femme fatales, which led me to read about Hedy Lamarr, star of many a great movie from the late 30s to early 60s. And how "at the beginning of World War II, Lamarr and composer George Antheil developed a radio guidance system for Allied torpedoes, which used spread spectrum and frequency hopping technology to defeat the threat of jamming by the Axis powers. Though the US Navy did not adopt the technology until the 1960s, the principles of their work are now incorporated into modern GPS, Wi-Fi, CDMA and Bluetooth technology..."
There's a play called Frequency Hopping by Elyse Singer which is all about Hedy Lamarr and her invention, and I'd love to see a production or read the script.
I wonder if other Hollywood sirens had little-known sidelines as weapons inventors. Did Bette Davis come up with a new propulsion system for Allied U Boats? Did Greta Garbo redesign the electrics on Sputnik before it was launched into orbit? Did Marilyn Monroe invent some kind of bombshell?
2. Most of the moons of Uranus are named after Shakespearean characters.
It is the very error of the moon; She comes more nearer earth than she was wont,
And makes men mad. -- Othello, Act 5, Scene 2.
There are 27 moons orbiting Uranus, and most of 'em are named after women in Shakespeare's plays - Desdemona, Portia, Miranda, Cordelia, Titania, etc. That's got to be a sci-fi idea for something, surely? Also, there are different categories of moons, one of which is the brilliant "spurious moons" (moons that may or may not be moons). Spurious Moons just has to be an epic Rick Wakeman prog-rock opera about humanity coming together in druggy harmony to ward off evil cosmic forces. I'd buy it.
3. It's a "Kindle" of Kittens
Plus, they burn easily
We have kittens. They're adorable. It's not, though, a "litter" of kittens, as I'd thought. "Litter" in this sense is not animal specific. A specific litter of kittens is a "kindle". I read that in An Exaltation of Larks by James Lipton. On my Amazon Kindle.
4. M*A*S*H spawned a range of toy action figures.
Remember, kids - suicide is painless.
I know toy manufacturers would make money off anything - there is, believe it or not, a range of toys based on porn stars (I suppose you might call them sex toys) - but I am flabbergasted to learn that someone once thought it would be a commercially viable idea to sell to kids a range of action figures based on sarcastic, borderline alcoholic anti-war army surgeons stationed on the battlefront in Korea. Disappointingly, their army greens aren't splattered with blood, and Klinger isn't wearing a dress.
5. The KAMCO Jupiter Robot was Awesome
Annihilate Younger Brothers!
I had one of these as a kid. A brilliant Christmas present. According to a retro site, this wonderful robot was:
"Battery operated, it walks, the eyes light up and it has 4 spring-loaded shooting missiles. When operating the eyes flash, the robot walks, stops, and then a space scene scrolls across his screen".
I remember the missiles firing at my younger brother Troy, who tried to hide them. The space scene on the screen was pretty bland, but I remember thinking it would be brilliant if it could play Dr Who stories. These days that would be really easy to do. Imagine that - a robot that walks, fires missiles at your younger brother, and plays Dr Who stories on its screen. Brilliant. Sadly these toys now fetch between £60-100 on eBay, and I've got vet bills to pay. Bah!
